


Distance

by nursemchurt



Series: 禁じられた遊び -Adult Children- [4]
Category: BUCK-TICK
Genre: A Whoooooole Lotta Angst, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, F/M, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 20:56:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14702148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nursemchurt/pseuds/nursemchurt
Summary: Araki and Hisashi have moved to Tokyo, Hide and Yuta are busy with their studies, and Atsushi is left all alone.





	Distance

Even though they all find themselves sleepwalking through the weekdays, no one in the band looks as forward to the weekends as much as Atsushi. Finding himself mostly alone with Yuta and Hide busy in their final school year, and his usual sullen demeanor now combined with dyed hair that was steadily gaining length making him even more unapproachable to coworkers, Atsushi finds it difficult to contain his excitement at the Friday evening train arriving in town. Nearly every weekend Hisashi and Araki would return home from their art school in Tokyo, always to bum food and money off their parents, but also to hang out with the half of their band still in Gunma to either practice or play a live show somewhere.

Atsushi still has to be careful to not overly test the boundaries of his freedoms as an adult with his father, but he knows what he can get away with and indulges in getting away with it frequently. Getting as far back into town from the train back from Takasaki after a show as Hisashi’s bed fits comfortably within his limits, but unfortunately the rest of the Fujioka members tend to only make it as far as Imai Shouten on most of those nights as well. Out of respect of Hide and Araki, who definitely don’t need to wake up to see their drummer and lead guitarist making out in front of them, Atsushi simply continues to stagger on home deciding that if he’s going to sleep alone he might as well sleep comfortably. Eventually, going to sleep comfortably becomes something difficult for Atsushi to reach when he’s alone, and he finds himself with familiar friends become strange bedfellows.

Beer. Sake. Sochu. Whiskey.

He frequently finds peace at the bottom of a glass, bottle, or can, almost as often as he finds immense regret.

Hisashi, on the other hand, finds himself immersed in songwriting to the point that Araki notices entire stretches of days where his newly bleached blonde friend never steps foot out of the small dormitory they share. Ever since Hide delivered his first original song to the band, Hisashi had become obsessed with being able to be the one to write the next. Even though he’s spent his entire life surrounded by people, if not his family or the band, then the countless schoolmates who’d hung out in his room whose names and faces he never bothered to learn, he finds himself at ease alone. It’s not that he didn’t miss Atsushi. He thinks about him everyday and even tried to work up the nerve to call him during the week sometimes, which never quite panned out, but with nothing more to be done about bringing Atsushi to Tokyo, Hisashi does his best to make the best out of his current arrangements.

Eventually, Sakurai decides to stop drinking alone in his room and moves to hanging out at a bar near his job after work instead, and his naturally intimidating demeanor gets him in despite being underage. At first, the other men and women from the factory who hang out there at the end of their shift continue to keep their distance, but soon he’s being brought into their fold whether he wants it or not. He’s still always silently drinking away until it’s time for a late bus back into his neighborhood, but one Friday night, it starts to thunder and rain in a way that even makes the dim lights of the bar flicker precariously, and he’s forgotten his umbrella back at his work locker. As he sighs and takes his leave of his coworkers, he’s stopped by a woman in the group.

He doesn’t recognize her, but he also scarcely pays attention to anyone in the first place. She looks older than him, maybe mid 20s or early 30s. Older than himself and younger than his mother in any case. She tells him that she was just stepping out herself and offers him a ride home. Something in him says he should say no, but the voice that asks him what’s the harm is louder and more insistent thanks to all the alcohol he’s had.

As she drives him home, she talks about how she’s seen him before. Not just passing by at the factory, but at live shows in and around Gunma.

“You’re the drummer of that one band right? The one with the guy in face paint that screams and all the cute guitar players? I love musicians,” she says as she comes to a stop at a red light and turns to face him, her hand leaving the shift to slowly run up his thigh, “Especially the rhythm guys.”

They’re struggling to get inside her apartment door, finding it difficult to unlock while they’re attached at the mouth, but once they’re in she’s pulling him into her bedroom and fumbling into the bed as they unceremoniously toss aside each other's clothes. For the first time in what feels like forever, Atsushi is revelling in the intimate touch of another, finally satisfying the craving that was affecting his sleep. In his alcoholic haze, he doesn’t particularly care that what he’s touching doesn’t quite feel like what he wants, but he makes do, simply desperate to not be alone.

In the morning, he leaves before she wakes and heads for a nearby bus stop and goes home, where he sobers up in the hot shower that he’s using to melt away last night with. He feels grimy with surprisingly vivid memories of last night and scrubs furiously at his skin, leaving himself red skinned and raw feeling as he leaves the shower and crawls into his bed after drying off.

He sleeps through most of the weekend, actually grateful that this weekend had no plans for the band getting together at all and feeling pathetic over it.

The next week is part way through before he sees her again, at work because he's decided that maybe socially drinking with strangers was an even worse idea than drinking alone. She's talking with a small group of people, and when she notices Atsushi looking at her she smiles and gives a courteous wave before returning to her conversation.

As the weeks pass, Atsushi doesn't look for her at work, but he always has an eye out for her at their shows. The next time he sees her, its at a live with 3 other bands and he catches her chatting up one of their bass players, touching him affectionately as they leave the concert together. 

Sometime later, Hisashi and Araki return to Fujioka. Hisashi had dropped out long ago, but Araki throwing in the towel meant they could no longer stay in the dorm they had been sharing. Having them back helps to ease his loneliness and sadness at feeling left behind, but there’s a new cloud that hangs over Atsushi’s head.

The guilt over that one desperate night consumes him slowly, but he knows that telling Hisashi about it would only hurt him and give Atsushi no reprieve. He hopes in time the guilt numbs or, what he feels is more likely, Hisashi will eventually move on with someone who can follow him out of Gunma after all. Recently, his father has finally been laid off and he's felt his fate sealed, but he doesn't know how to break it to the band.

For them, and for Hisashi, Atsushi plans to keep going as close to normal as he can. At least until they realize he's replaceable, he thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> This started with such a cute fluffy short story, how did it get like this??
> 
> (FYI: We're gonna continue down the highway to Pain Town for a while now it feels. Something's awakened the angsty emo kid in me and I need to exorcise it.)


End file.
